Sometimes I hear a quote and I can't help but fall in love with it, even if its a cheesy one found on an advertisement.

"She marches to the beat of her own drum.  He marches to the beat of time."

Check out this cute black and white "Christmas Stories" advert on Yoox.com.

Is it just drinks? Just dinner? Or is it a date?

Recently, I received this email from one of my best friends:

"Ok, so i didn't know if it was a date from the asking out stage due to the fact that boat boy and i are (were?!) friends and have done tons of stuff in groups and hung out just the 2 of us a few times. he left a vm saying, "comedian xxx will be playing the local theater in 3 weeks. let me know if you want to go, i'm getting tickets." yeah, totally vague and three weeks out?! it wasn't until i met him at the restaurant and realized it was just the two of us (and the fact that he actually did his hair) that it was a date. but never actually felt like a date the entire night. he didn't touch me once and not a single compliment! seriously, i should of showed up in my pajamas and with rumpled hair and no make-up...."

One of the most confusing social engagements for the modern girl is the casual meet up.  You meet someone through work, at a friend's birthday dinner, or on your kickball team.  You start chatting about movies, books, or travel and suddenly, you realize both of you have a lot in common.    But it all feels pretty platonic.  He asks if you want to grab a drink or dinner or catch a concert sometime.  Clearly, it must be a date.  But, yet it felt platonic.  How do you tell the difference?

Well, if you show up and he starts by mentioning his girlfriend, boyfriend, or wife it is immediately clear.  If only we could all be so lucky.  Usually, the conversation flows in the same manner it did when you first met, and there isn't always an opportunity to bring up relationship status.  So when you get to the end of evening, the question becomes to hug or to kiss?


I polled a couple of my favorite guys and asked for pointers on how you can tell if a meet up is platonic or a date.  Here's what they had to say:

If you (the girl) are about to have dinner with someone you've known for awhile and consider them to be a friend, but they want it to be something more here are some clues you should be on the lookout for before meeting up:

-Is the location a nicer place than where you typically meet up?
-Do you usually eat in groups but now its just the two of you?
-Do you usually meet at a location, but now you are carpooling?
-Is it spur of the moment or planned in advance?

Once you are in the midst of dinner or drinks, look for these clues:

-Is he/she dressed up more than usual?
-What is he/she ordering to drink?  Splitting a bottle of wine can seem romantic, where getting a pint of beer seems very buddy/buddy. (Of course this is subjective to the meal and where you are meeting.)
-What is he/she ordering to eat?  Are they ordering to impress the other party?

The big thing that both guys agree on is the conversation.  What is being said?  Is the girl being more flirty than usual?  Is he or she talking about people they are currently dating?  Or digging for clues about where you are at relationship-wise?

Now if a guy, who happens to be a friend AND super shy asks you to dinner, consider that he may be trying to show that he likes you.  It took a lot of guts for him even ask you out.  A lot of girls that I am friends with are very cynical about the shy guy, because they think, if a guy likes you...he's going to get over his nerves, fears, and shyness.  But the more I discuss this with the guys in my life, I have found that it really doesn't matter if you are a girl or a guy, insecurities and shyness make it difficult to express interest in someone you like.

So...if that shy guy makes the effort to ask you to drinks, dinner, or a movie, AND you like him, but aren't sure.  Give him a break, and make an effort to show that you like him too.

Here is what the shy guys suggest:

-Try to be slightly flirty (which doesn't mean rip off all your clothes and immediately jump into bed...have some control!)
-Touching their arm
-Laughing at their lame jokes
-Showing that you are interested (Duh!)

All of these tips seem pretty obvious.  But sometimes, its just plain hard to tell what the other person is thinking and you don't want to misjudge the situation.  In which case, the best thing to do is to just flat out ask, "Is this a date?"  I know its totally awkward, and honestly I tend more towards playing games, and creating "what if" scenarios in my head.  But if you want clarity... the direct approach is without a doubt the best way to go.

Tuesday's favorite things

-Disneyland when its decorated for the winter holidays.
-Snowfall (especially if its the faux snow at Disneyland, because it isn't as cold as the real stuff)
-Homemade carmel corn
-Acupuncture
-Good books that relate to your current situation (The Lost Girls, by Laurie Fox)
-Designing holiday cards
-Sequined black berets
-My little brother*, who makes me laugh, is super smart, and knows how to put things in perspective.
-Dearest guy friends who play along, (even if you are acting like you are stuck in High School) and do digging to find out if your crush likes you.
-Gossip Girl
-Waking up early enough to read a couple chapters of a good book.

* Artwork by Mandy Sutcliffe.  Check out her stuff and other amazing artists with free downloadable art here.

Currently Reading....

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami.  I'm heading to Tokyo in a few weeks, and I have two goals before I get there.  First, read at least one Murakami book.  Second, master Katakana so I can read menus and don't need to drag waiters to the front of the restaurant in order to point at plastic versions of the food thru the window.

Thursdays are Dating Dilemma Day

Thursdays are Dating Dilemma Day...

My friends and I have spent a lot of time dating over the years.  Boys. Girls. Men. Women.  We've dated the entire spectrum of types and kinds, and a lucky few of us have even been fortunate enough to find some of the great ones out there.  But, still there are those of us who continue to strive ahead, wading thru the muck of bad dates, only to be blissfully rewarded with the good ones.  I think with all the stories of heartbreak and happiness I've heard there is enough material for a regular Thursday discussion about dating dilemmas.

So let's start off with an observation I recently made about guys who call girls to setup a date two weeks in advance, then fail to followup with any further communication or interaction.  Isn't the hardest part of asking a person out, the actual act of doing it?  Once you get a "yes", shouldn't you want reap your reward (and go on the date)?

Case in point:  I met a guy at a party a couple weeks ago.  We spoke briefly, but didn't exchange phone numbers at the end of the night.  He then spent the next 2 weeks, trying to track down my number through all of his friends.   Instead of calling immediately, he procrastinates another 2 weeks.  Finally, he calls to tell me that he'd like to take me out for drinks or dinner at some point during the following week, but he will call me early in the week to set it up.   He never calls.

I wish I could say this is the first time that has happened (its more like the fourth), or that he took another 2 weeks to call, as per his style, then we went out and had a great date.  But, that's not how it played.  He simply never called to follow up.

Plausible excuses or reason for why he didn't call:
-I'm boring on the phone.
-He met another girl over the weekend.
-He got into a horrible accident.
-He's not that in to me.  (Okay, well that's actually the truth if he isn't calling...but the point is that he was interested in me enough to spend the time tracking down my number via our mutual friends)

You see, I think the real issue behind guys who prematurely telephone to set something up, then lack follow-thru is that they then have too much time to think about the date, so much so that they begin to over think things.  Why else would they not follow through?

I asked a couple of guy friends for their perspective on the matter, and most of them responded by saying that if they didn't immediately set up a date during an initial phone call, their nerves may get the best of them and therefore would procrastinate on the 2nd phone call, until it was too late.  They also said that  the guys that aren't following through are not actually worth my time....and they are totally right.  I've moved on to the next guy.  But that's a story for another Thursday.

So what do you think?  Why do some guys completely fail to follow through?

Favorite things of the week

-Annie (the John Huston film, one of my favorite movies as a kid and it still makes me smile)
-pedicures
-fabulous friends who immediately email after I send out a distressing, heartbreaking tweet
-delicious saffron and garbanzo bean soup
-forgiveness
-hotel parties in Venice Beach
-Where the Wild Things Are (both the book and movie...I love being reminded of how it felt to be 7),
-dinner with old friends
-picking oranges for Food Forward
-trying out a new restaurant
-Mama Mia (my current favorite guilty pleasure)
-Mechanics that "pay it forward" when you least expect it
-Finding a box of my favorite purses that I thought I had accidentally donated charity
-Having a crush on a cute nerdy boy and feeling like I'm back in high school

A few of my favorite things....

Sometimes I lose track of all the amazing, lovely blessings that have been bestowed upon me.  I don't mean that in a religious way, but in a "see, life is beautiful" kind of way.  So every Tuesday I will to post a list of my favorite things from the past week.... starting now:

Nottinghill (the movie), Trader Joe's Mixed Bean Salad (so delicious and its only $1.09),  Jack...the neighbor's cat that greets me some nights when I come home from work, the scent of tennis balls when you open a new can, TV stars that laugh at the joke you told while walking thru the lobby at work, Polish pottery, new gold tights, silly J-pop videos, Sunday crossword puzzles, making new friends, having heart to heart conversations with old friends, dressing up for Halloween, goat cheese with cranberry, meeting up with friends you haven't seen in years, pumpkin spiced lattes, finding a new brunch spot (the brunch at Proud Bird is insane!), cuddling under the duvet, day-light savings (or at least feeling like i get an extra hour of sleep!).